D&D(ialogs)

Scene: Interior of a granary, in the Garden District.

• Orc #1: Did you hear something, Larry?
• Orc #2: What, Reg?
• Reg: I dunno! Something!
• Larry: What?
• Reg: I dunno! Over there!
• Larry: What?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: No, not 'what was it?' I was asking what you said. So, 'what what,' not 'what that.'
• Reg: What?
• Larry: Why is it so bloody loud in here?
• Reg: Well, it's a granary isn't it? Making flour and all. So it's bound to be loud!
• Larry: Yeah, I meant to ask about that. Why's it called a granary?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: Is that 'what what' or 'what that'?
• Reg: What what?
• Larry: Why's it called a granary? I mean, we're not making grain, are we? We're making flour! Why's it not a floury?
• Reg: Because flowery means, like, girly, right?
• Larry: Girly?
• Reg: Y'know. Like, with lace and perfume and the like.
• Larry: Did your mother wear lace and perfume?
• Reg: Well, no, 'cause, like, she's an orc.
• Larry: So... how is a floury like a girl?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: What?
• Reg: No, I mean, I heard it again. Hey, where'd Jennifer go?
• Larry: Which one was Jennifer?
• Reg: Ogre. Big girl. Likes dates.
• Larry: The fruit, right?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: What?
• Reg: What did you say?
• Larry: You said she likes dates, and I said 'the fruit?' because I was wondering if you and she had....
• Reg: Me and Jennifer? Nah. I mean, she's cute and all that, but I tend to like to be bigger than her, right?
• Larry: Yeah.
• Reg: Makes dancing easier.
• Larry: What?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: I was gonna say I thought I heard something, too. And then with Jennifer gone, I was thinking...
• Reg: You were what?
• Larry: Thinking.
• Reg: You were thinking?
• Larry: Yeah.
• Reg: You do that a lot?
• Larry: Not so much. Anyway, with Jennifer gone, does that mean you and me have to get on with hauling all those big sacks of flour around? Because I know that's not what we was employed to do.
• Reg: Right. We're here to watch these doors!
• Larry: Right!
• Reg: Because someone might, like, come in here through these doors!
• Larry: Right!
• Reg: These barred-from-the-inside doors!
• Larry: What?
• Reg: What?
• Larry: I do have to wonder where Jennifer has gotten off to.
• Reg: Well, Kelly's still there.
• Larry: Which one's Kelly?
• Reg: Other ogre. Big chap. Near the grinder.
• Larry: Kelly a bloke, then?
• Reg: Of course Kelly's a bloke!
• Larry: Well, I mean, the name Kelly can belong to a lad or a lass, am I right?
• Reg: Sure.
• Larry: And, let's be honest here, can anyone tell a bloke ogre from a bird?
• Reg: You mean those birds?
• Larry: I keep telling you, Reg, those aren't birds. They only look like birds. And one only looks like a bird because he's projecting a false identity to fool anyone who happens to come inside.
• Reg: Through these barred-from-the-inside doors we're guarding.
• Larry: Exactly.
• Reg: Odd sort of a chap, isn't he?
• Larry: Which, Kelly or the not-bird guy or the guy pretending to be a not-bird-guy?
• Reg: Oh, no, Kelly's a sweetheart. I was talking about the... where the devil has Jennifer got to?
• Larry: Well, you did hear something earlier. Perhaps we should go check the barn.
• Reg: Larry?
• Larry: Yes, Reg?
• Reg: I meant to ask...
• Larry: Yes, Reg?
• Reg: Why is there a barn?
• Larry: What do you mean?
• Reg: Well, we have this big room here, right?
• Larry: Sure.
• Reg: And then there's a barn in there, and it's quite a bit smaller.
• Larry: True.
• Reg: And Jennifer and Kelly keep hauling the huge sacks of flour in there.
• Larry: Undoubtedly.
• Reg: Yet that room is much, much smaller than this one - plus, it only has the one little door and we're standing here next to these big double doors that, you know, could totally fit a wagon between them.
• Larry: What's your point?
• Reg: None, really.
• Larry: Just making conversation?
• Reg: Basically.
• Larry: Nice.
• Reg: Soooo...
• Larry: Jennifer?
• Reg: Still not back, I have to observe.
• Larry: We could go check.
• Reg: But that leaves these barred doors totally unprotected.
• Larry: Maybe we should ask... what's it?
• Reg: What's what?
• Larry: Not-bird's name?
• Reg: Well, he calls himself Mr. Important.
• Larry: No, that's what *you* call him.
• Reg: Oh. Right.
• Larry: Maybe we should just go check out the barn.
• Reg: Because I heard something?
• Larry: Did it sound sort of knifey?
• Reg: Did what sound sort of knifey?
• Larry: The sound you heard.
• Reg: Oh! Um, yeah, I guess? Kind of knifey or bladey or something.
• Larry: Suspicious.
• Reg: Well, that's why I mentioned it.
• Larry: You're good at this!
• Reg: Mum always said so.
• Larry: We should go check it out, then.
• Reg: Okay. I'm sure it's nothing.
• Larry: Even so, just to be, y'know, on the safe side.
• Reg: And for Jennifer's sake.
• Larry: Well, yeah, that goes without saying.
• Reg: Should one of us stay here at the doors?
• Larry: The doors we're supposed to be guarding that are barred from the inside?
• Reg: Yes.
• Larry: No, let's both go. That way it'll look like we're team players.
• Reg: We're what?
• Larry: Team players.
• Reg: I thought you said 'dream slayers.'
• Larry: It's right loud in here, isn't it?
• Reg: Tis.
• Larry: Dream Slayers is kind of cool.
• Reg: We could adopt it! As a sort of name!
• Larry: Larry & Reg - Dream Slayers!
• Reg: Why not 'Reg & Larry - Dream Slayers!'
• Larry: Whoa, watch it where you're slinging that thing!
• Reg: Why do you care? Say I half-kill you....
• Larry: Accidentally.
• Reg: Of course accidentally! We're the Dream Slayers! Would I intentionally half-kill another Dream Slayer?
• Larry: You might.
• Reg: Yeah, true.
• L & R: Orcs!
• Reg: Anyway, say I half-kill you. You immediately get healthy again anyway!
• Larry: Only the first time.
• Reg: What?
• Larry: That only works the first time. After that I'd have to half-kill you and then I'd get a bit healthy again, but not as healthy as I originally got when you half-killed me.
• Reg: How does that even make sense?
• Larry: Why should it have to make sense?
• L & R: Orcs!
• Reg: Shall we?
• Larry: After you.
• Reg: Oh, by the way. If there *is* anyone in there...
• Larry: Anyone bladey you mean?
• Reg: Yeah, anyone bladey. If there's anyone bladey in there, let's try to keep them boxed up, because remember what happened last time?
• Larry: When last time? Dungeon last time or wilderness last time?
• Reg: Wilderness last time.
• Larry: When those adventurers kept flanking you and then they had the advantage and were totally kicking your ass?
• Reg: Right, until I was half-dead and then suddenly got a lot better?
• Larry: But only the first time.
• L & R: Orcs!
• Larry: Yeah, I remember.
• Reg: Let's not do that again.
• Larry: Agreed.