Scene: Cave interior, dark passage with hiding places positioned just so.

  • Orc#1: Really, Larry?
  • Orc#2: Really, what?
  • Reg: That's where you're going to hide?
  • Larry: I prefer the term, "hunker down."
  • Reg: Whatever.
  • Larry: Because I'm an orc, so hiding is kind of beside the point.
  • Reg: Right, right.
  • Larry: What with the, you know, size and, like, the... other thing.
  • Reg: What "other thing?"
  • Larry: You know.
  • Reg: Pretend I don't.
  • Larry: The... smell.
  • Reg: I have no idea what you're referring to.
  • Larry: I suppose you have no idea what I'm referring to when I say the word 'floss,' either.
  • Reg: Look, I've told you, I can't reach the back molars and once in a while I get something stuck back there and it...festers.
  • Larry: Reg, you have a human hand lodged in your teeth.
  • Reg: Just the one.
  • Larry: Still...
  • Reg: If it bothers you so much, take it out yourself.
  • Larry: Right. Like I'm gonna fall for that one again.
  • Reg: You're no fun.
  • Larry: I'm plenty of fun. I'm a big ball of fun. I'm a rollicking dwarf train of bubble-blowing kobalds of fun. I just don't want to lose another finger because you think it's funny.
  • Reg: Oh, gods, not this again.
  • Larry: Count my fingers.
  • Reg: You're only hold the one up.
  • Larry: It's a subtle message.
  • Reg: Subtle as a rollicking dwarf train, whatever the fuck that is.
  • Larry: You know! A dwarf train!
  • Reg: I do not know. A dwarf train.
  • Larry: A train? Of dwarves?
  • Reg: I got that part, I'm just not familiar with it when you use it as a metaphor for something other than a train of dwarves.
  • Larry: Example.
  • Reg: Aaaand...that differs from a metaphor how?
  • Larry: A metaphor is an analogy or a comparison.
  • Reg: I know what a metaphor is.
  • Larry: Train of dwarves isn't a metaphor. It's a real thing.
  • Reg: Where in hells is a dwarf train a real thing?
  • Larry: Dw..the...Dwarfland.
  • Reg: Dwarfland?
  • Larry: Dwarfland.
  • Reg: Okay, I'm gonna just let that one sail by.
  • Larry: Thank you.
  • Reg: No problem.
  • Larry: Anyway, whose hand is that?
  • Reg: Which?
  • Larry: The hand lodged in your dental work.
  • Reg: Oh, that hand.
  • Larry: The same.
  • Reg: Remember that party of three fighters, a rogue, a wizard and a shaman?
  • Larry: The one we ran into on Tuesday, or the one we ran into on Thursday?
  • Reg: Weird, that.
  • Larry: Not really. Haven't you noticed that we always seem to run into groups of around five or six, and there's always a few fighters, a couple of magic users and a thief?
  • Reg: And that's not weird?
  • Larry: Just because you and me enjoy bashing heads in for whoever wants to hire us along doesn't mean that some other group knows the meaning of balanced talents.
  • Reg: I suppose.
  • Larry: So...the party of three fighters...
  • Reg: A rogue, a wizard and a shaman. Yes. Those. Them. And the wizard was all, "I'm totally going to throw fire at you!" and I was all, "You and what army?" and then he goes like this, all thrusting his arm forward like 'ooh, look at me, being all wizardy and threatening and dramatic!' and then I bit his arm off?
  • Larry: I recall something to that effect.
  • Reg: Wizard's hand.
  • Larry: I wish you wouldn't smile like that. It creeps me out.
  • Reg: You don't find it endearing?
  • Larry: All except for the hand.
  • Reg: Not because of the hand?
  • Larry: Not really.
  • Reg: What?
  • Larry: What?
  • Reg: No, not you. Him.
  • Larry: Which him?
  • Reg: That him all whining about us over here 'taking too much time.' You! Yeah, you! I can hear you, you know!
  • Larry: Dick.
  • Reg: Yes, we're going to hide back here. Look, we're a bit large, if you haven't noticed. So it takes a bit to get organized.
  • Larry: Yeah!
  • Reg: So why don't you worry about your own little hidey hole and leave us orcs to worry about our own.
  • Larry: You tell 'em, Reg!
  • Reg: Bloody wizards.
  • Larry: Tell me about it.
  • Reg: Makes you want to bite his arm off, doesn't it?
  • Larry: Well not... Ooooh, I see where you're going!
  • Reg: Hand.
  • Larry: Okay. You got me.
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